Parenting has never been an easy task, but modern pressures seem to make it even harder. From a global pandemic that disrupted normal life to a flood of expert advice on social media, today’s parents face unique challenges. In recent years, an approach called “gentle parenting” has gained popularity, offering an alternative to more traditional, discipline-heavy styles. But what does this method really involve, and how do parents who practice it feel about their experience? A new study from Professor Anne Pezalla at Macalester College and Professor Alice Davidson at Rollins College has set out to answer these questions, becoming the first to systematically investigate the meaning of gentle parenting. Their work, published in PLOS ONE, explores how parents define this approach and its impact on their well-being.

Professors Pezalla and Davidson emphasized the growing challenges modern parents face, especially during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. “Raising children has always been difficult, but for many parents, the pandemic amplified that difficulty,” Professor Pezalla explained, highlighting increased stress levels and feelings of burnout among parents, which have persisted even as the world has returned to normal. Against this backdrop, gentle parenting has gained traction as a way to raise children that avoids punitive measures and focuses on empathy, boundaries, and emotional regulation.

Gentle parenting, as Professor Pezalla and Professor Davidson found, centers around the regulation of emotions—both the parent’s and the child’s. Parents who identify with this style reported prioritizing affection and a calm approach to managing children’s behavior. Professor Davidson noted, “Our analysis showed that most gentle parents emphasize staying calm and avoiding punitive actions like yelling or spanking.” This is in line with broader movements, such as positive and conscious parenting, that have gained popularity in recent years. Gentle parents also placed great importance on helping their children manage their emotions, a practice often associated with “emotion coaching.”

The study gathered data from parents of young children aged 2-7 from various parts of the United States. About half of the participants identified as gentle parents. One of the most striking findings was that while gentle parents reported high levels of satisfaction with their parenting approach, there was a significant subset who were highly critical of themselves. Many gentle parents surveyed expressed feelings of burnout and uncertainty about their abilities. As one mother put it, “I feel like I’m hanging on for dear life.” These findings suggest that while gentle parenting may offer a framework for nurturing and empathetic child-rearing, it may also set the bar quite high, leaving some parents feeling inadequate.

Despite its growing popularity, gentle parenting has received little empirical attention until now. While parenting experts on social media often promote it as a cure-all for modern parenting woes, Professor Pezalla and Professor Davidson’s research provides the first rigorous examination of how it works in practice. Interestingly, while gentle parents were more likely to describe themselves as warm, intentional, and affectionate, they showed considerable variation in how they applied boundaries and responded to their children’s misbehavior. Many gentle parents reported using clear rules and limits, while others adopted a more democratic, child-centered approach, allowing their children to have more say in resolving conflicts.

One of the most common sentiments among gentle parents was their desire to do things differently from their own parents. In fact, many gentle parents described their parenting as a direct response to the way they were raised. As one parent shared, “I do the opposite of my parents. No spanking or physical punishment.” This intergenerational shift reflects a broader trend identified in recent research by the Pew Research Center, where many parents today express a desire to be more compassionate and less punitive than previous generations.

However, gentle parenting isn’t without its challenges. The researchers found that while most gentle parents reported high levels of efficacy, those who were critical of their own parenting were significantly less confident in their abilities. The tension between wanting to be gentle and the realities of parenting young children can lead to burnout, especially when parents set very high expectations for themselves.

In summary, gentle parenting is a nuanced and flexible approach, one that emphasizes affection and emotional regulation but is not uniformly applied across all families. It offers an alternative to more authoritarian or punitive styles of parenting, but it also presents challenges, particularly for parents who are hard on themselves. As Professor Pezalla and Professor Davidson’s study shows, gentle parents are navigating new territory, seeking to raise their children with empathy and compassion while balancing the demands of modern life.

With the rise of social media, more parents are turning to gentle parenting for guidance, but this study shows that empirical research is essential to understanding its long-term effects. As Professor Davidson said, “It’s important that we continue to study this approach, especially given the stress that many parents are experiencing. More research is needed to understand how gentle parenting impacts both children and parents over time.”

Journal Reference

Pezalla, Anne E., and Davidson, Alice J. “Trying to remain calm…but I do reach my limit sometimes: An exploration of the meaning of gentle parenting.” PLOS ONE, 2024. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0307492

About the Authors

Anne Pezalla is a visiting professor of psychology at Macalester College. Her research focuses on family relationships, positive youth development, and narratives in health. She is passionate about feminist and qualitative methodologies and interdisciplinary collaboration and teamwork.  

Alice Davidson is a professor of psychology and Executive Director of the Child Development & Student Research Center at Rollins College. She utilizes narrative and quantitative methodologies to study approaches to parenting and social-emotional development in childhood.

Drs. Pezalla and Davidson studied at Penn State University where they both earned a master’s and Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies.